I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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