Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i love accidental penises.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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