Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
