My friends, they love my intelligence
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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