if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
