I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
