Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
