Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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