the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
