Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
