Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
