Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
