Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
