I got chris browned last night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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