you would pick up someone in the library
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
