I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
FUCK WHALES
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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