dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
