Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
how drunk are you?
Several
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
