i'm signing you up for texting rehab
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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