I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
