just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
