Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
