what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
