Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
