Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
