You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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