she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
