we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
