i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
a search helicopter?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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