we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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