So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
