Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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