anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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