Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
