i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
