the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
