whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
