I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
