I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
