i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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