i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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