i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
