sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
