i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
