I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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