dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
