Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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