My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
