Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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