i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Holy sore nipples Batman
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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