What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
