I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
