I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
