Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
