and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
