Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
